Life as a Yowler

I don’t know which is worse….an expected death or an unexpected death. Preparing to lose a loved one would be awful. But not having any time to prepare is also very hard. Last week my father in law passed away very unexpectedly. While we had just heard about his stage 4 pancreatic cancer that also spread to his liver, he had no time to even begin chemo treatments. He was planning to start chemo, but before he got the chance he had a massive stroke that ultimately took his life. He had been dealing with blood clots for a few weeks. The blood clots caused strokes. The final stroke happened on a Sunday evening. By Monday morning, he was unresponsive. Brandon and I made the emergency trip to Ohio Monday morning. We said our goodbyes and spent as much time with Bill as we could. He held on until Thursday morning.

The same Sunday that Bill had his final stroke, Brandon had called and talked to him earlier that day. He told Bill about our plan. Our plan was to drive the motor home to Fairborn, Ohio(where Bill lived) and park at a nearby campground for a month. We wanted to be around to help drive to chemo treatments and spend as much time with Papaw as we possibly could. Bill was so moved and excited at this plan. It was a great ending to the conversation. Brandon told his dad “we will see you soon.” That was the last time he ever got to talk to his dad, while his dad was still responsive. We heard word that Sunday evening Bill started declining and was rushed to the ER. We had plans to head down Monday morning with everyone, but after the emergency call we decided to leave the kids and just Brandon and I head down.

Monday evening, Bill was moved to a hospice facility in Dayton, Ohio. The next few days were filled with heartache, but also a little joy. It was good to spend time with the Yowler side of the family. We saw many family members and told stories and laughed a lot. We ate tons of Schuler’s donuts(a favorite and childhood memory of Brandons). Brandon and I stayed at Grandpa Lou’s house, and so many memories came flooding back to me. When Brandon and I were first married, we lived in Urbana, Ohio. We both worked in Springfield and spent tons of time there. Brandon grew up in Springfield and spent most of his life there. Grandpa Lou lives in Springfield. We went to a couple restaurants that Brandon and I used to go on dates to. We went to our favorite coffee shop. We ate at the restaurant we met Bill at probably at least 30 times, El Toro.

After our latest motor home trip, we stopped on the way home to visit Papaw and Roy. We stopped on a Monday. The very next Monday is when we rushed to Ohio, as Bill was unresponsive. I am forever grateful that we stopped. We had a great visit. Bill was in really good spirits. We took fried chicken(at their request). Bill ate 3 pieces. Roy commented that that was more than Bill had eaten in a long time. We visited and watched the dogs and kids play. Papaw hugged us all extra tight(now that I look back I realize). We are so thankful for that time. That was the last time my kids saw their Papaw. I took pictures and printed them on a blanket. I never want to forget this fun night we all had with Papaw.

The funeral home that’s handling the funeral is Littleton and Rue. Both Brandon and Bill used to work there. Visiting the funeral home and planning funeral arrangements have caused all kinds of memories to come flooding back. Rob Rue and Rob Kampman(two of the funeral directors) have gone above and beyond and are being such a blessing to us during this difficult time. We have a lot of history with Rob Rue and with the funeral home. Rob is the one who, for a wedding gift, sent us a driver and a limo to ride from the church. Rob Rue, and his wife Jenny, used to have Brandon and myself over for dinner and let us watch their 4 young kids play and have fun. I remember thinking it would be really fun to have 4 kids. I take that back though and would rather go watch someone else’s 4 kids play. Just kidding.

To say that these last couple weeks have been a whirlwind would be an understatement. I am somewhat in denial that he’s gone. It just doesn’t seem real to me yet. I keep thinking in the back of my mind that this was all a bad dream. He was only 63 years old. He never even got the chance to retire. He worked so hard his entire life, and was active up until the end.

I always had a close connection with Bill. He was so easy to get along with. He always stood up for me. He always understood me. He was so kind and loving and encouraging. He was easy going. He was go with the flow. He was easy to have visit. He would pitch in and insist on helping. He always thought of others before himself.

We had the privledge of taking him along on a motor home trip three years ago. We took him to San Antonio, Texas. We went to Seaworld together. We went to the Alamo. We stayed at one of my favorite campgrounds. It was at this campground that we had a tragedy happen. I had the kids at the playground while Bill was in the motor home getting himself ready for the day. Brandon was at his store training. Before I even knew what was happening, Isla ran behind one of her brothers as he was swinging on a metal swing. I heard the hit. I saw instant blood start gushing from her head. I rushed her back to the motor home to see how deep the cut was. As I came inside the door I saw Bill’s look of absolute panic. He kept saying “Don’t worry Carla! I got this!” He took off running out of the motor home barefoot to the camp office. 🤣 I followed him with Isla. As soon as the office staff saw her, they called an ambulance. Bill had gotten ahold of Brandon at that point. Brandon met Isla and I at San Antonio Children’s hospital where Isla got her head glued back together. Bill watched the other 3 kids the rest of the day. I’ll never forget the image of papaw running out of the motor home barefoot in his panic. 🤣

I hear word that when Brandon was a kid he jumped off a swing and put a hole in his leg somehow. Bill grabbed Brandon and rushed him across the lawn. He rushed him so quickly, that he tripped and fell and threw Brandon across the lawn. 🤣

Two years ago I was in a horrible car accident. Someone turned left in front of me, and I couldn’t stop in time. We hit head on. My face hit the airbag and I had a very attractive face smash that left me blind for about two weeks. Bill dropped everything. He came to Michigan and helped out with kids. He got me addicted to his brownies. I ate way too many of them. The next Christmas Bill decided to skip Brandon’s favorite dessert and make brownies for me instead. 🤣 He even made an extra pan and sent me home with them. That’s when I knew that I was the favorite over Brandon. 🤣

Last Summer we met Bill and Roy at Kings Island(an amusement park). Every year growing up Brandon’s family would go to Kings Island. This was a very special memory for Brandon. I’m so thankful we got to take his dad once. We had the best time. It was Brandon and my anniversary. We got to ride some rides alone together, with Papaw and Roy being there to watch kids. Brandon talked me into riding one of the big coasters. I didn’t pass out, so I would call that a win. Papaw took Isla on lots of little rides. He insisted that he wanted to spend time with her. She talked him into doing whatever she wanted to do, as she usually did. We all rode the bat together, and we will forever cherish this memory of riding the bat with Papaw.

When we were on our last motor home trip, some of our best friends’ house burned down. We were all devastated. My kids each processed the news in their own way. Before I knew it, I heard Bill’s voice. I couldn’t figure out why until I found Joah. Joah had taken his iPod and called Papaw Bill to tell him about the fire. Bill was such a great listener and Joah needed the calm of his Papaw to help him through that tragedy. Bill listened and genuinely cared and told Joah he’s so sorry and praying for his friends.

Brielle received the news about her Papaw passing while she was still staying with a friend. Her friends’ mom called me to tell me Brielle’s prayer. She prayed “Lord, help my Papaw to have long lasting life in heaven so I can give him a huge hug again someday.”

When we were out shopping a couple days ago Isla got very emotional. I asked her what was wrong. She told me she wished she could have a hug from Papaw. I asked her if a hug from dad would work for now and Isla said “no, not really.” Each of my kids have bonded with different family members. Isla’s person was Bill. She absolutely adored him. Joah has bonded with my dad. Brielle has bonded with her aunt Bethany. Caed has bonded with Brandon’s mom. I am so thankful for family and friends that have poured into my kids. It takes such a burden off parenting to have others thah help lift the load. My kids need family and friends now more than ever.

Caed has been having a very hard time with this. I wasn’t expecting this reaction from him. Sometimes I underestimate him, because he seems to be in his own world so often. But he definitely understands what’s happened, and he is tore up about it. It comes in waves for him.

Brandon is also having a hard time. I feel so bad for him. It’s hard to lose a parent at any age. But being so young, I feel it’s especially hard. Brandon has been really trying to help the rest of the family as we all navigate and figure out our emotions. We’ve been trying to reflect and remember the fun memories we have together with Bill.

As I stated before, the reality hasn’t totally set in for me yet. I will really miss the accessibility and the ability to text or call with the latest funny story. Bill was the perfect person to vent to. He was so calm and encouraging. He had the deepest laugh. He would sometimes surprise me with his dry sense of humor. In his own quiet way, he would say the most hilarious little one liner. I can’t begin to express how much Bill will be missed. He has left a huge hole in our hearts. I am so thankful for the hope we have in Christ. Each day we’re one day closer to seeing him again.

As we’ve been looking through pictures, we remember all the fun times we had together. It never feels like enough, but pictures prove that we took every opportunity. We did a lot together. We loved spending time with Papaw and Roy. I have willed in my mind to get even more obnoxious about taking pictures. I don’t want to forget things. Sometimes pictures are all we have left.