Life as a Yowler

I had the privledge of attending the LO(live original) sister conference in West Monroe this past weekend. Sadie Robertson is the founder of LO sister ministry. I can’t tell you how much my heart needed this. The work God did in me was incredible.

I came to the conference very resistantly. Not because I didn’t want to attend, just because of life. I made every excuse there was. We just started school. We just got back from a big trip and I still had unpacking and resettling to do. I was exhausted, and didn’t know if I had the energy for another trip. But Brandon insisted I go. I already had a plane ticket, and he felt strongly I needed to go. So I ignored the stressful details and went for it.

I left the conference feeling a million times lighter. I was carrying a heavy burden and load. I literally felt weighted down. I had been holding on to some stuff and unsure how to surrender it and move on. The very first night I got rocked by Christine Caine’s message. I realized that I had become stuck. My refusal to surrender and my constant worrying and looking back to the past, were preventing me from walking in freedom and living out the calling God has placed on my life. By holding onto fear and worry, I was at a stand still. By becoming undone, I allowed the Holy Spirit to work and soften me again.

Day two was jam packed with so many great things, I can’t even begin to retell. Jenn Johnson and Kari Jobe lead worship and I felt the spirit moving so strongly. He was tearing down layers and layers of baggage and bondage in me. Sadie Robertson spoke that evening and again I was blown away. I had no idea she was so gifted at speaking. She quoted scripture and challenged me and so many others. She gave so many good analogies. She was filled with a contagious joy that I couldn’t help but feel too.

Not only was attending the conference amazing. I got to reconnect with some long time friends that I’ve missed so much. There were 14 of us in our group, and I left feeling such s strong community and family type feeling. We toured west Monroe together. We laughed a ton together. We shared with each other how God moved and what He taught us. We even had a hymn sing the last night(much to Caed’s confusion-I mean where could all these songs possibly be coming from).

Brandon and I have traveled all accross America. There have been a couple places that have such a strong positive atmosphere. One of those places is Atlanta, Georgia. We toured Martin Luther King Jr’s house and church and felt such a strong spiritual presence and anointing over the area. I had that exact same feeling in West Monroe. The atmosphere is so inviting. I was reminded of the calling and anointing over the Robertson family. God has used them incredibly. Their influence and authority ….God’s behind it all. They give Him all the glory and He is using them in incredible ways. The entire family is making a huge difference in their community and so many more places. It’s truly an incredible redemption story of how God can heal and restore any broken marriage or family. I look forward to seeing The Blind, which will tell the story of Phil and Kay and how it all started.

Before the conference, we went to the sounvenir shop where we found some cute matching sweatshirts. We also ran into Martin from the show. He talked to all of us. He even demonstrated how to blow a duck call and put it right back in the case. 😆 He signed a duck call for me and my kids don’t know it yet, but they will be really excited.

We saw several more family members at the conference. We saw Sadie, her husband, Willie, Korie, John Luke, Rebecca, and Korie’s mom and in-laws. It was fun to see how involved they all were and how down to earth they each were.

I could have gotten my claim to fame, but unfortunately I failed do to my uninvolvment in society for about 11 years. Right before Sadie spoke, three of us were outside parking the car. Taylor Lautner saw us and came and talked to us. None of us had a clue who he was. He initiated conversation. We weren’t rude, but we didn’t say too much and basically just kept walking. Then we noticed him get an escort into a back door the same way all the Robertsons were let into the building. Later, thanks to google, we realized our huge oops.

Sunday morning we attended Sadie’s home church. It was a great service and afterwards we asked around about what time Phil and Kay’s church started. It was only 1 mile down the road and we decided to go check out their church also. We got there and after some service hopping and picture taking we decided to leave(a member in our group had to be home for an obligation). While we were taking pictures, a church member came and found us. For some strange reason he could tell we were tourists. He asked us some questions. He told us Phil and Kay were in the church service and told us where they were sitting. He told us Phil had taught earlier during the first service. We decided to stay for the remainder of the current service. We sat behind Phil and Kay. During the closing song, Phil got an escort out. But Kay stayed. I’m assuming she likes to socialize and Phil doesn’t. 😆 We had the privledge of meeting her. She was so sweet and such a down to earth person. She told us she was still so tired from the conference and hearing Sadie speak so much truth. She told us she planned to spend the rest of the afternoon napping with her two dogs. She told us she’s just a normal person and we shouldn’t view her as famous. She took several pictures with us and we saw her talk to lots of her friends after us.

Sometimes I struggle with a feeling of dread. I dread what’s to come before it even happens. I look to the future and get overwhelmed at the thought of facing everything. I hate unknowns and I hate the thought of coming off a huge spiritual high and then facing real life again. In the past, I have tried to do things in my own strength and it takes all my energy. I go through the motions for awhile, but eventually reach a crash. It’s not sustainable long term. I have always tried to surrender, but have been unsuccessful because of trying to surrender in my own strength. Instead of becoming undone and abandoning all the unknowns and laying them down, I work harder, desperately trying to achieve peace. I hold onto hurt and pain and tell myself there’s no hope and God doesn’t always see or care. This has become a part of my story the last couple years, and I hate to even admit that. I know the truth, but sometimes I can’t see the truth when I look at all the hurt. It’s like a cloud is over my vision. I don’t even recognize who I am anymore. I have found my identity in so many titles other than who God created me to be. I have thrown all my energy into being a wife and mom and all the things that I need to be, but I’ve forgotten that before those things I’m created in Christ. My identity is based on what He’s done for me, not on what I can do or any title. I choose to daily lay everything….literally everything at the feet of Jesus. I feel so much lighter. I felt myself soften this weekend. I let go of the hard outer shell I’ve learned to put up as a way to survive. I layed it all down and felt layers of pain and burdens disappear.

For the first time in awhile I have peace and I feel joy. I am excited to face what’s ahead. I have peace knowing that God is in complete control. I am ready to walk in my calling again. Im ready to walk in freedom. Im ready to see God’s goodness. How could I miss it? It’s all around me. I am so blessed. I’m ready to not be stuck. God’s peace is free. His joy is contagious. He is so so good. I’m coming off a painfully dry season, and I’m ready to move. I’m ready to release. I’m ready to live.